Manual Stimulation

Masturbation techniques for women

What is masturbation?
To masturbate means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way. This can be done by hand, or with sex aids – some highly-sexed women can even do it by rubbing their thighs together. Such stimulation often leads to orgasm.

Most men have masturbated, often beginning at a fairly young age.

However, many women find it more difficult than men to achieve an orgasm through sexual stimulation.

For some reason, masturbation is not as common among young girls and women as it is among men. Female sexuality may well have evolved differently and it could be said that access to the genitals – the clitoris, the labia and the vagina – is not as obvious in women as it is in men.

Even so, many young women nowadays will have enjoyed masturbation prior to experiencing love play or intercourse with a partner.

The pleasure derived from masturbation differs from woman to woman. It may be that she reaches an orgasm immediately or she may simply enjoy warm, pleasant sexual feelings that stop short of a climax. In some cases, the experience can be very different from her expectations.

Nevertheless, these days people talk about sex and orgasms as if they were a natural part of everybody’s life. If they aren’t a regular part of yours, you could end up feeling a bit left out. Don’t! Remember that you’re entitled to make your own decisions about your own sexuality.

It is important for you to develop your sexual emotions, your sexual life and your ability to have an orgasm at your own speed. It is not usually a matter of urgency.

However, if you are curious, or impatient to experience an orgasm, you might have to do something about it yourself. Sex – especially an orgasm – is not just something your partner can give you while you passively wait for it to happen. You have to do some of the work yourself.

What’s the best way for women to have an orgasm?

  • If you don’t know exactly what it is you like or what it takes for you to reach orgasm, it’s a good idea to practice on your own. For some people the very idea of stimulating themselves can seem so forbidding, they don’t even try. But masturbation, like most things, takes practice. And the only way to learn about your own sexual response is by touching your own body.

  • First, make sure you’re alone and won’t be interrupted: you need to take your time. Begin by taking a shower, or a long, luxurious, scented bath. Soap yourself up. Touch your breasts and your genitals.

  • Dry yourself carefully, then rub your favorite lotion all over your body. Keep touching your body everywhere – it might be a good idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it. Get used to the way your body looks and feels.

  • At this point, as long as you know that you’re in no danger of being disturbed, move to your bedroom. Make sure that it is warm and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just enjoy yourself.

  • Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and intimate places. Gently spread your labia: you may want to use a spot of lubrication like Astroglide or K-Y Jelly or even just saliva.

  • Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis. The feeling should be the same as the sensation you get when you need to urinate, or when you try to stop urinating.

  • If you find it difficult to know whether you’re doing this successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your vagina. That way, you’ll be able to feel whether you’re tightening and relaxing the muscles or not. At the same time, you’ll experience the pleasure of putting something in the place where you’ll eventually have sexual intercourse. In other words, you’re getting used to your body and its normal functions.

  • If you now tighten and relax the muscles in rapid succession you will feel contractions of the kind that many women experience when having an orgasm.

  • You might also notice a warm sensation in your abdomen. Try touching yourself all over your body, including the breasts and your genitals where you will quickly find the most sensitive spots. In particular, experiment near the opening of the vagina and clitoris and stimulate yourself in whatever way feels best.

  • You might also like to try feeling inside the vagina; between the thighs; or in the area in front of the clitoris – whichever you prefer.

  • Try to familiarise yourself with exactly how touching yourself makes you feel. Ignore everything around you. Just think about what is going on inside you, or something else of a sexual nature.

  • While you touch yourself, you might like to look at something that turns you on – pictures, perhaps, a film; even a sexy book.

  • If, as is likely, your sexual tension rises, keep going. Don’t stop even if you experience a sudden block. Carry on, and at the same time, flex the muscles in your stomach and pelvis. This often enables you to continue and perhaps you will eventually experience what is known as an orgasm.

  • You may not get quite as far as you’d like to the first couple of times. Stop if you don’t feel like going on, then try again later, or some other day.

  • For some women it is not enough to just use their fingers – they like to use sex aids as well. A vibrator may be useful, or you could try stimulating yourself with the hand spray when you are in the shower. Use your fingers at the same time.

  • Your first experiences with masturbation and orgasm will probably be better if you have them alone. Not that there is anything wrong or embarrassing about masturbating while your partner is watching. But the first few times, it’s important for you to go at exactly your own pace without any kind of pressure to succeed.

  • If they follow the guidelines above, almost everyone should be able to learn to masturbate and have an orgasm. But remember, they are only guidelines. Experiment, and you may well find a better way to turn yourself on.

  • You have to be prepared to let your partner know exactly what it is you enjoy in your sex life. Even though he or she might have had several previous relationships, you are unique. So when it comes to you, your partner is a beginner.

See our wide selection of masturbation devices for women.

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Male Masturbation
Male masturbation techniques, when first viewed, may seem much simpler than similar techniques designed for females. The reason for this is simple- the penis is much more “accessible” than the female vulva, especially after sexual arousal. Here’s some of the techniques you guys can learn about or experiment with, especially if you’re like me and typically use just one or two simple techniques to get yourselves off. If a particular technique isn’t working for you, remember to try both dry hands and lubricated hands, lubricated preferably with a water-based lubricant.

Getting warmed up

Men usually don’t need to go through all the foreplay that women do in order to achieve a similar erotic state. This may be different depending on your age and your sex drive, and of course how long it has been since your last sexual activity, but for the most part men are always ready to go. However, for best results you should retire to a nice quiet place where you can concentrate on the task at hand, with whatever resources or materials you will need close by. I suggest some good magazines, KY Jelly, and some soothing music. An erotic train of thought, such as imagining that you’re fucking someone really hot also helps, and often happens anyway. Hey, guys will be guys.

Manual stimulation

The most basic form of masturbation is through the use of the hands. For men, this usually involves stroking the penis using any one or a number of similar techniques until an orgasm is reached and ejaculation has occurred. If you are a veteran masturbator and want to try something a little different, try different hand positions, motions, speeds, and intensities. As any man with sexual experience including intercourse or fellatio knows, using the same exact stroke, pressure, and motion over an extended time without orgasmic release tends to dull the sensation of the penis. If you are having trouble achieving orgasm and you use only one technique, try stopping, waiting until your erection goes away, and then starting back up with stimulation using a slightly different technique. After this, switch techniques without stopping, and continue until you climax. If you don’t know what I mean by using different techniques, here’s a few ideas: one hand open, one hand closed, thumb and forefinger, thumb and pinkie, entire hand wrapped around the shaft, two hands open, two hands closed, and finally if you have a large penis you may be able to simulate a vagina by thrusting into two fully closed lubricated hands, stacked one on top of another. All of these include stroking the penis as varying speeds and pressures. Feel free to experiment, and you’ll soon discover an unlimited number of techniques you can use to get yourself off.

Water play

The bathtub or shower can be more erotic than plain manual stimulation in bed, or wherever. A hot steamy shower is a great place for masturbation because its usually very private and there’s some really interesting techniques you can employ by using simple ideas and readily available resources. My favorite technique involves soap, the water faucet, and of course my lathered hands. First, get yourself pumped up with some erotic thoughts. Then position yourself (if you can and your bathtub faucet is in such a position to allow this) so that your penis is directly under the flowing water from the faucet. BE CAREFUL with adjusting the temperature here, this is definitely one place you do not want to get scalded. From here I usually start off with lukewarm water, and eventually bring it up to the point where I can barely stand it anymore. This can be dangerous, so make sure you know your “plumbing” well before you attempt this so you can avoid getting chilled or burned. Some men might even orgasm to the flowing water alone- I never have. Once your raging member is throbbing contentedly, stand up, wash some if you wish, and then once you get soft, start in with the soap action and masturbate with your hands. Once you’re hard again (should happen very fast), try thinking of a nice warm juicy pussy, close your eyes, and thrust into your best hand-vaginal simulation and orgasm when you cannot stand it anymore or you are ready. There’s other techniques, and if you have a removable showerhead you have even more great things to try. Again, experimentation is the key, just make sure what you think of trying isn’t something that will get you hurt.

Sex toys

Sexual toys such as dildos and vibrators usually aren’t thought of as “manly” sex aids but rather those for women. If you’ve experimented with anal sex (men or women) and like it you might want to consider a dildo for anal play as you masturbate your penis. The anus is a very sensitive area, and stimulating both these areas can lead to some really explosive orgasms that could even rival the females. Vibrators have even more uses. You can use one to rub up and down your shaft and especially around your cock head, to stimulate your anus or perineum (the very tender area between your anus and your scrotum), or for other erogenous zones on your own body that you know about. You may even discover new ones! Men can be as manly as they want outside the bedroom, but lets face it, we’re all big puffy teddy bears when it comes to sex. Don’t let false and misinformed inhibitions prevent you from something you might end up loving.

Anal play

As I said before, combining anal stimulation with masturbation can lead to some truly amazing orgasms. In addition to stimulating your anus, if you’re into anal sex at all you might want to consider getting off with a couple fingers inside your anus. Be sure to lubricate them well, with a water based lubricant first. Applying pressure to your prostate inside your anus at the point of no return (orgasmic inevitability) in just the right way may very well lead to the best orgasm you’ve ever had. If anal play just isn’t your thing, then that’s perfectly fine. You alone have the power to decide what you want to do and will do, so it is up to you alone to decide what techniques you will use to sexually satisfy yourself.


For most men, having an orgasm is a simple thing. However, most men have had only general degree of orgasms their entire sexual life, and since most of them use the same technique to orgasm, they may not really know that much better, longer lasting orgasms are possible. The key to learning about these aspects of yourself is to experiment with combinations of techniques that include different hand motions, types of lubricants, and types of stimulation.

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